March 6, 2015

Greetings, netizens of the interwebs!

Consider this blog launched. What now? Where do I collect my gift basket starter-kit on how to make it in the blogging business?

Is it too early to start worrying on whether the ad revenue from my blogging habit will be sufficient for me to finally quit my job and take quirky monochromic photos of airport french pastries just before I shove it down my pastry hole and take the next layover to Japan because I want to experience the exotic way of life there but what I’m really going there for is to check out the mass public consumption of school girl hentai / specialty cephalopod porn cross-overs?

LOL Just kidding, nipshits. This is a professional blog that specializes in the ass-kicking niche.  Bookmark this site now, if you haven’t already made it your start-up screen and home page, from all the awesomeness gushing into your face like a undersea BP oil-spill? OH what,…Too soon? Get over your environment-loving ass, it was 5 years ago. Even the sea-critters that were covered in oil-slick then have probably become fossil fuel themselves. If anything BP should be commended for pre-battering these critters in delicious crude oil so all you had to do is throw em in the deep fryer, and voila, critter to fritter. Did I just create a new seafood delicacy pun?

But yeah, in this blog, anything flies, except maybe pelicans covered in oil-slick, cause of the drag factor. Oh what, Too Soon again? Enough with the ‘too soons’, Jeez Fuck! It’s never long enough to be able to look back at something people care about and poke stupid fun at it, ya ignorant fuck! Not enough time has passed to make light of something like an oil spill, also because crude oil doesn’t really light up when you throw a match in it. Wait what?

This here blog is for people who hate blogs. I’m not trying to be contrarian, just cause, well maybe I am, or am I? Maybe go fuck yourself. I shudder to even use the word blog to describe this [not a blog], because the word “blog” has been so tainted in the public lexicon. It just feels filthy, and elicits
the same sort of mental image when you see a lock of pubes sitting comfortably on a gym shower drain.
More updates coming up, keep your blog-holes wide open and wait anticipatorily, numbnuts.

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